Ichi-go ichi-e (Japanese: 一期一会, pronounced [it͡ɕi.ɡo it͡ɕi.e], lit. "one time, one meeting") is a Japanese four-character idiom (yojijukugo) that describes a cultural concept of treasuring the unrepeatable nature of a moment. The term has been roughly translated as "for this time only", and "once in a lifetime". The term reminds people to cherish any gathering that they may take part in, citing the fact that any moment in life cannot be repeated; even when the same group of people get together in the same place again, a particular gathering will never be replicated, and thus each moment is always a once-in-a-lifetime experience.[1] The concept is most commonly associated with Japanese tea ceremonies,
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ichi-go_ichi-e​

See also an article by Hector Garcia and Francesc Miralles , authors of Ikigai 
www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/what-is-ichigo-ichie-10-rules-of-the-japanese-way-to-happiness

​DIMINISH  -  To make or become less ,   Cause to seem less impressive or valuable ..... says the dictionary. 

How does this apply to us from the perspective of people's auras and their effect on us in daily living ? 
 
Diminishers see people as objects to be used, not as persons to know and care for. “Diminishers are so into themselves, they make others feel insignificant… If they learn one thing about you, they proceed to make a series of assumptions about who you must be.” Diminishers fit well into today’s mainstream culture, which elevates striving for ourselves.

While at the opposite end , we have “illuminators” .   Those who are curious and want to know others. “They shine the brightness of their care on people and make them feel bigger, deeper, respected, and lit up,” says Brooks. They meet us more than half way and fill a deep need we all have ,  to be seen.
They are the opposite of “diminishers.”

Do you illuminate or diminish people? - The Aspen Institute
Concept taken from David Brooks and his book -  How to know a Person  
The Art of Conversation: Are You an Illuminator or a Diminisher? – 100.7 Riverland Life FM

I would go on to say that "diminishers" have a poor sense of self , and hence shine a weak light on their surroundings .  Added to that , they might even blame their hazy surroundings ! 

For the longest time i thought i did not understand "toxicity" , but life has taught me well into my 50's.    Having to deal with negative emotions on a regular basis from those closest can be quite draining. Is so-and-so really at fault ? Really the cause of your pain ? Or is he just a willing and polite crutch holding up the curtain of your anger and self-confusion , knowing full well that if he were to move away , you might come tumbling down and hurt yourself badly.  

Who then is the rightful diminisher , and who then the illuminator in this complex web of life ?  

(Japanese)  Meaning: life, living, livelihood, life circumstances
( And ooops not to be confused with Karoshi (Japanese: 過労死 ),  a Japanese term relating to occupation-related sudden death , usually by “over-work”  ,  heart attacks , stress-related strokes !! )  

Back to KURASHI – 

Kurashi at Home: How to Organize Your Space and Achieve Your Ideal Life
This Marie Kondo book summary finds me today on Blinkist .  I resonate with the peace that comes from pottering around one’s home ,  the charm of cleanliness , the delight of decluttering .   Marie Kondo  (DOB 9th October 1984)   -  Titan of Tidying Up.   Empress of the Enjoyable Environment movement.   Its not about neatness.  Its not about perfection.  Its not about pristine standards.   It’s about that which brings you joy. 
Listening to the 15 minute synopsis  has reinforced my own deep appreciation and awareness of simple objects and well used gadgets around my home and modest garden.   (Endless dried eucalyptus leave, spiders included ) .   I am transported back to the spring of 2019 in Japan , where we were smacked by the small yet highly efficient spaces of Tokyo and surrounds.  Every square inch of space was uniquely crafted , exemplifying the Japanese trait of always being and looking one step ahead .
I find myself viewing routine tasks and chores with a grateful perspective.   More of  a happy “I get to” attitude rather than “I got to”.     “I get to” wash dishes until they are clean , “I get to” smell the fragrance of clean laundry , “I get to” water the garden on a hot day .  “I get to” enjoy my groove  in a country that is safe and democratic.  
 
Functionality , making do , optimizing per se (whether space/life/time) are habits that appeal to me.   I  have lived in a large-ish family home in Australia with unending upkeep and housework.   “Rearranging” – is a manifestation of my inner joy and when I am at peace with the world.   Tinkering with my old artefacts.   Pruning plants in the alfresco.  Raking leaves in the garden for the umpteenth time ,  I feel the peace that I imagine monks in a monastery might experience at dawn.    I have also sampled (rather late in life)  a married-bachelorette’s regimen in Dubai in a spartan rented one bedroom apartment where I own nothing . Here ,  after the initial “scarcity withdrawal syndrome”    I have come to enjoy the richness of minimalism. To keep claustrophobia at bay ,  long daily walks are essential (even multiple times) , to ease the stress of driving in traffic and long days at work.   So you see, it’s not about the square metreage or the height of your ceiling.  It’s the feeling that these spaces evoke in you and others.       
 
“The true purpose of tidying is not to cut down on your possessions or declutter your space,” says Marie. “The ultimate goal is to spark joy every day and lead a joyful life.” That goal — that inner why — can help guide everything that we do, and it expands well beyond the home. This is what Marie calls kurashi   konmari.com/what-is-kurashi/
 
KURASHI  has its roots in the ancient Japanese Shinto religion , where supernatural beings called KAMI are said to inhabit all objects and aspects of nature.  Animistic and Polytheistic , regardless of our beliefs , it’s a nice perspective.

Imagine yourself as one of the objects .    Personify them .   Do you feel what they feel ?  What are they saying to you ?    A cup on the mug tree ?  A plant pot in the garden ?  A picture on the wall ?  The toilet brush?    Are they happy where they are ?  What do they experience on a daily basis ?  
Develop small routines and rituals .  Early morning or late night ones are the best.  Before the home stirs or after it sleeps.   More about personality and less about “perfection”.   A mistake I have often made in my younger and excessively house-proud days .  Admonishing the children for their messiness.   Wanting to keep up with those Jumeirah Joneses.   
Your home is your ambassador – how should it represent you ?      Have simple furniture that expresses the authentic you .  Quiet ?  Reserved ?  Friendly ?  Bustling ?   Warm ?   Fiery ? Unhurried ?  Busy ?   For most of us ,  our walls are a  safe haven from the madness we might experience outside now and again.   ( And yes, when this peace is sometimes shattered , we feel homeless until we recover ... )

​Challenging Dependency.

Let’s explore the word dependency for a moment.
If you look up the word “dependency” in the dictionary, the first word that comes up is “subordinate.” The next descriptor is “under the jurisdiction of.”    So, if you think about what each of these descriptions are essentially alluding to - they’re pointing out that some external force has power over me as a sovereign being.

But this is always the case with any form of dependency - whether it be a chemical dependency or a behavioral one - what’s required is the belief that we need some specific thing outside of ourselves for survival. This gives this entity a form of power over us. 

And when we believe our survival depends on something outside of ourselves, we will abandon ourselves…turn ourselves into someone we no longer recognize…and feel that we have lost our conscious ability to choose…to maintain that connection.   This is true of any addictive tendency.  And what’s rarely acknowledged on a societal level, is that codependency is one of the most pervasive, and socially acceptable forms of addiction. I say this because all of our addictive tendencies essentially boil down to a dependency on an external source to regulate our internal world. Codependency is the attempt to regulate our internal world through our relationship to another person.

But what’s tough about codependency - is that similar to a food addiction, we (as social animals) do actually need our connections to other human beings for survival. It’s not like a chemical dependency where we’re able to confront the addiction by abstaining from the substance all together.  But, also, similar to when we are attempting to heal a food addiction, it becomes important to recognize when a necessary aspect of our human experience has morphed into a maladaptive one. 

As adults, we are not dependent on being in relationship with any one specific human being for our survival. It can certainly feel at times like we are, but that’s not actually the case. 
So, the question becomes, what is the line between healthy connection and dependency?
For me, it always comes back to:

• fear versus love
• obligation versus authentic desire
• transaction versus connection
• perpetuation of wounds versus a container that supports our healing 

Because as long as I am in a relationship with you, defending against losing our attachment at all costs – it hinders my ability to experience true intimacy with you.
I will withhold
I will manipulate
I will perform
I won’t actually see you -
I will see you through the lens of my attempt to avoid the pain of losing you. 

INTERDEPENDENCE is how we integrate our need for INTIMACY with our Soul’s need to maintain a healthy sense of INDEPENDENCE.
The practice of interdependence takes ownership templates off the table completely. This way of relating  challenges us to be present in our relationships, and shifts the relational dynamic to one where we are consciously choosing. 
This is the practice of remembering that each of us are already whole. And in this knowing, we can create an authentic sense of connection with another - while maintaining an authentic connection with ourselves.

Dene Logan 

www  😁 WIELD WISDOM WELL ! 
Grow WHOLE not Grow OLD !
KNOWLEDGE SPEAKS BUT WISDOM LISTENS
Chip Conely's website 
Wisdom Well (modernelderacademy.com)

• Knowledge is at our fingertips in this modern technological google-age , but WISDOM is not.   Hence the need to swap from being a knowledge worker ( no biggie anymore sorry Peter Drucker ) to a Wisdom worker.  
• Industrial age =  Youth , Labour , Retirement (Pensions , Safety net ) 
• Technological age = Adolescence , Adulthood , Contribution ,  Regeneration , Value addition  
• By choice or necessity people are going to work longer .   While they live longer ,  the power might be moving earlier (younger CEO's ? ) 
• MID LIFE - a CHRYSALIS not a CRISIS .  We go into the cocoon of MIDDLESCENCE and emerge a wise colorful happy butterfly !    
• Eldership not Elderly  - You are as much an elder as you are in intern.  
• Relevance more than Reverence ,  Attuning more than Attaining.  
• Do not make it a MIDLIFE MARATHON with a lot of baggage, keep it light. 
• Mindset editing - What are you ready to burn and dissolve ? 
• Mining your Mastery - learning what you have to offer to a younger person 
• Cultivate Community - create rituals and legacies , have fun ! Celebrate your empty nest ! 
• Life is no longer a one-tank journey , as it used to be.   Feel free to take two or more pit stops along the way , fuel up , rest and revive.   Life transitions are like doorways , with simple rituals the symbolic keys that let you in

 

• Enjoy also long-life-learning.html - more gems from Chip Conely

🌈🌞🌈🌞🌈🌞🌈

• Life-long learning is an umbrella term for consistent learning.  However, "how, why, what you learn" changes with age,  as does one's ability to focus.  Hence, the adaptation to  LONG-LIFE LEARNING , a term coined by Chip Conely (founder of MEA Modern Elder Academy)   
• It speaks to the idea that topics change , get more spiritual and holistic , develop more depth. 
• Mindset change from CAN-DO-IT to CONDUIT  ,  incorporation of  Warmth and Wisdom 
• Fear of the unknown gives way to curiosity and then deepens into humility  
• Knowledge worker is an ubiquitous word .  The new challenge is becoming a WISDOM WORKER.
•  Becoming a MODERN ELDER  - metabolizes experience to distill compassion. 
• Success is not so much winning as it is learning ,
  
• REGENERATING instead of RETIRING. 
• Develop your own little Book of Learning / Book of Wisdom - What have i learned this week ? Keep it factual,  devoid of emotion , troubles , feeling , unlike a diary or journal.  
• Cocktail party question  - In what parts of life are you a beginner these days ?    When's the last time you learned something for the first time ? 
• 🌈🌞🌈🌞🌈🌞🌈
  
• ​
  

Chip Conley - Wikipedia 
Born October  31, 1960 (age 62)
Orange, California, U.S.
Alma materStanford University[1]
Occupation(s)Author, Founder of Joie de Vivre Hospitality, Modern Elder Academy and Fest300,[2] Former Airbnb Head of Global Hospitality & Strategy,[3] Former Everfest Chief Strategy Officer[4]
​
​Chip Conely's website 
Wisdom Well (modernelderacademy.com)

Extract From “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman

SELF EFFICACY
The belief that one has mastery over the events of one’s life and can meet challenges as they come up .  Developing a competency of any kind strengthens the sense of self-efficacy making a person willing to take more risks and seek out more demanding challenges.   People’s beliefs about their abilities have a profound effect on those abilities.  Ability is not a fixed property , there is a huge variability in how you perform.  People who have a sense of self efficacy bounce back from failures. 
 
Confidence as a spectrum and in another guise ?  

What Is Self-Efficacy? Definition and Examples (thoughtco.com)

Key Takeaways: Self-Efficacy

• Self-efficacy refers to the set of beliefs we hold about our ability to complete a particular task.
• According to psychologist Albert Bandura, the first proponent of the concept, self-efficacy is the product of past experience, observation, persuasion, and emotion.
• Self-efficacy is linked to academic achievement and the ability to overcome phobias.

 
Daniel Goleman (born March 7, 1946) is an author, psychologist, and science journalist. For twelve years, he wrote for The New York Times, reporting on the brain and behavioral sciences. His 1995 book Emotional Intelligence was on The New York Times Best Seller list for a year and a half

THINK-E-TATION coined by Tim Bilyeu ,
the state and place where 80% of his best business ideas flow ! 
​
A combination of thinking and meditation . More like the active thoughts that flow AFTER any “transcendental practice”  -- whether conventional meditation , walking , exercise , box breathing , or simply calling to mind a loved one with feeling and compassion …..
Coined by Tim Bilyeu of Impact Theory fame  -   Its’ that amazing state of a free-flowing mind post “mental warm up”  ,  accompanied by feelings of  exuberance and confidence .  
If we could access this state at will ,   creativity and problem-solving would be on the uptick.    Eighty per cent of Bilyeu’s best business ideas have come from this state of being and he practices it regularly – DAILY.    One of his triggers is Box Breathing .
 
STEP ONE -  EXERCISE / MEDITATE
STEP TWO – THINK-E-TATE
 
Another aspect could be going deeper into Theta state and merging levels of consciousness like some tribals do.   As opposed to a monophasic state (single) state of consciousness , unlike tribals who discuss dreams at 4.00 am and believe that the dream world is as real as the physical polyphasic states ) .   Meditation helps you tap into these altered states .  However , even at the basic practical everyday level , what could work is the simple two-step formula above.    

Just like you should be aware of your circadian rhythm for optimal and beneficial sleep , you should be aware of your optimal transcendental practice – the one that will lead you to the flow state and heightened creativity.    This can save you some drudgery and hours of unfocussed toil.  

Burning the midnight oil groggily   vs  working creatively and optimally.  Surrendering to intuition and inner space .  Hustling leads to broken marriages , poor relationships with kids , ageing faster …. So why do we persistently advocate this path as the ONLY way,  when there’s a better solution ?    
Aha moment in my own work life.    Previously advocating “hard work” as dad did … but realizing now.   The key is not the quantity but the quality of work-hours.  As it is with sleep-hours. As it is with practically anything of substance.     

A pre-requisite of think-e-tation is TIME !!!  It cannot be super rushed.  You need those moments to warm up . clear your mind and get into the groove.  
T I M E  =  Think-e-tation Is a Magnificent Experience !!! 😊 😊

Shaming people for what they "should have known" never supports progress. Helping them to see what they don't yet see , does. It's very easy to look down at those who don't yet see what you see. But where does that get us ? Nowhere.

There are many things i did , because i didn't know better. And even if there is something i now see , there are also many things i don't yet see.
​
We are all victims - and victors - of context. If you believe in individual and collective transformation , you realize that we are always at a particular point in our development .
​We see through the eyes of context , and as that context evolves , so do our REALEYESATIONS. That process can't happen alone. The road to change is fraught will patterns and potholes . And we need each other to traverse new terrain. We need each other to be our eyes, as we forge new pathways of possibility. Let's do that with compassion. Let's do that with reverence for each other's contribution. ​

We are all seeing each other home.

Thank you cousin K  🤩🤩