FLUENCY FOR A DAY

A personal share on living with a speech impediment , taking myself back fifteen years and recalling what it was like at age 40 ( magnify this a  few times for the younger Holly )   
Waking up almost daily with a knot in my throat , literally pincers around  my tonsils , a physical obstruction of some kind that prevented me from speaking fluently.  From morning my mind would work super fast scanning expected speaking situations and mentally manoeuvring myself around them.  Thinking up sneaky ways to organize situations so that someone else could handle (speaking) tasks for me  - paying bills , outdoor errands .   Dreading forced impromptu events and phone calls especially at work.  Using my speech as a crutch and an excuse for things I could and could not do.  My mind always worked in “dual carriage” mode.  The real and the parallel.  What I wanted to say , and what I could say .   A walking thesaurus.  Speaking situations would be restricted to one-on-ones if I could help it.   Had this surreal hierarchy established in my mind.   Top of the pyramid were people like employers , bank managers , clients .  I would rather die than speak in public .  The thought of saying my name sent shivers down my spine  ……  

My wish , my dream then  : 
To have ONE DAY OF FLUENCY.  A day that I could speak the words I wanted without parallel thought of possibility .   A day that I could ask for exactly what I wanted , summon the waiter, race to pick up the phone,  shout out my name from rooftops , enter into a debate , perform on stage,  handle a conference call with the bank manager on one end and my boss on the other .  My mind was tired and overworked. 
Fluency was just a dream.  This could never actually happen.  I was going to die with unuttered thoughts and unspoken words.  But so what ?  There were others who had to contend with much worse.  What’s holding back a little , and having latte when what you really wanted was cappuccino ?
 
Fast forward to Australia 2010 - 

Recently migrated , Australia was a new world and society.  Here, everyone had a “right” to be what they were.  Pedestrians were not second class citizens . They had as much right to be on the road as vehicle owners.  Everyone seemed to have a  voice ,  take their time to say their piece , and I felt a dot of empowerment.     Enter Dave McGuire and the speech program I attended back in November of 2009.   The most life-changing value-driven $2000.00. I have ever spent !!!!     Five days of speech boot camp that transformed my life forever.  That aha moment when you ask yourself what on earth you have been doing until now !   The McGuire program didn’t get rid of my stutter ( which I proudly wear to this day ) but it transformed my thinking forever.   The support of other persons with speech impediments who totally understood , pushing myself over the limit into ridiculous speaking situations , going on to join Toastmasters , attend other courses , develop into a speech coach,  overcoming hurdles in my personal life …. All these helped shape and develop me further.
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The analogy to an iceberg still stands strong in my mind.   20% of the iceberg is visible and lies about the surface of the water.  But the 80% base root lies underneath and invisible. This needs to be blasted into non-existence, and then the 20% ice block on top will just have to fall.   A great analogy that can apply to so many aspects and limitations in our lives should we wish to overcome them. 

And this gave birth to my great interest in overcoming setbacks and limitations.  Pushing oneself to the limit.  Everything is achievable with the right tools and mind-set ,  at the right time. 
Thank you God  ! Thank you Universe !  I was given not only a day of fluency , but a lifetime of opportunity.  Life began after 40 as I regarded it with a fresh perspective.    A gift indeed.   I began looking at everything with a new lens .  Other people get a bit jaded and stale by the time they reach 45.  I was literally reborn and everything took on a totally new hue.  A decade later , I am still “ten years old” and growing in wonder & bewilderment every day. 
 
“ Trade your cleverness for bewilderment “ – Rumi